A Note To Myself - What Am I Now?

Hi, and welcome. This is just a note to myself, or a record of what seems unclear in my mind. It has nothing to do with my previous post or markets at all. So if you want to stick around, you're more than welcome to waste your time haha! 

                                                     Find your life's purpose so you can start living

When the year began, I made my speech about the year 2025, and given the tensions between the Trump administration and the Federal Reserve on the topic of Interest rates, it appears I had the foresight and accuracy of an ancient-day Israeli prophet. I feel proud that I could have made such an accurate forecast and, honestly, benefited from it financially. It's not about the benefits, but the fact that I was able to independently come up with my own conclusions and act on the recommendations. 

However, what appears to be success troubles me as I sit here at midnight wondering, was this out of luck or my few years of pure research? Had this been the third time of my being right, I would somehow have concluded on the latter because there's a trend. That's not where my lack of clarity is stemming from. These days, I seem distant from many, not just physically but communication-wise. The motivation to do anything that isn't my primary pursuit is gone. I can't figure out how or why, and what seems the conventional path now looks unconventional to me. It quite frankly scares the shit out of me when I give it a thought because there's not that much to show for what I have dedicated the rest of my life to. I find solace in the fact that life is a lesson to be learned, and for sure, mistakes are a part of this lesson. This, I understand. 

Additionally, work-life balance at this stage is absolute nonsense to me, and it doesn't help that I deliberately refuse to entertain arguments for it. I know it's cowardly to blur out the possibility of an alternative counterargument to one's belief. I have cancelled dates, questioning the very essence of a partner in my life when I'm 100% time-selfish. Yet, there have been times when I yearn for the comfort of a cuddle and a deep conversation, drowned in the most romantic scene ever thought of. Haha! yeah! I'm not a stick mate. I love kids and always have, but personally, I think it would be selfish to not offer them my time and presence like my own parents gave me. I have dwelled on the topic of marriage, and the only reason for it is to procreate and offer the world an essential and stable unit (statistically monogamous family) for society's continual survival. But guess what? Even that is postponable in my playbook. I guess one blessing God gave me was the ability to weigh the consequences of my decisions and be ready to accept and entertain them. I guess I need to be stress-tested haha! But I believe I can pass such a test regardless. 

Perhaps these are the prices one pays for this kind of journey I have embarked on. Honestly, I didn't think it would take me more than a year of devotedness, but it's been three years already. My own shortcomings from self-sabotage and pure lack of discipline seem to be the chains holding me back. Outwardly, one would think I'm the most disciplined person, but deep within, being disciplined to the very details of the craft I'm trying to master tells a different story. There's some part of myself that is completely foreign to me. This is a note to myself, so thank you, Acha.